Revelation 21:5, New Living Translation

“And the one sitting on the throne said, ‘Look, I am making everything new!’…”

Some believe that your shame lies within your reflection. Mine? My hands. I could avoid a mirror— but not my hands.

I recall some vivid DMT trips. Each time I would look down at my hands... And each time they appeared dead— yet delicate and destructive all at once.

Even further into my journey— sobriety never indicated health. I would catch a glimpse of my hands and for a moment, I was on that familiar trip. I would see everything that my hands had done.

My hands that slashed my arms — they had caused much pain to myself and others.

My hands that opened the doors to the wrong places at the wrong times— leading to trauma.

I would see hands that paid a bond that led to destruction.

It wasn’t just a bad trip that followed me — it was recognition that my hands bore all of my shame and guilt.

Religion told me this was something I would see forever. Consequences of my actions made sense…

But then God told me He makes all things new.

The same hands I prepared drugs with are the same hands lifted in worship.

The same hands that grabbed a razor blade are the same hands used to nurture and heal.

The same hands that opened the wrong doors are the same hands that close the right ones.

The shift?

Letting go.

It was nothing magical, it was practical.

I stopped begging for my guilt and shame to be taken and simply stopped holding onto it.