Matthew 11:28, New International Version

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Conquering Chaos: Finding Peace in Christ (Part Two)

As we dated, I started attending the “Everyone Welcome Church,” and met M.J., the wife of my church pastor, who has also had such a great impact on my relationship with God. My very first time here, M.J, - as welcoming as she is - hands me a show journal with a sheet in it for journaling prompts to write about. I went home, with this journal, excited and nervous to write my very first entry. On October 15, 2017, I wrote to God. I had no clue what to do, what to say, so I pretended this was a letter I was writing and mailing to God for Him to open up and read. I wrote saying I wasn’t sure if He was real, I wrote all of my fears, and I wrote what my goals were in establishing a relationship with Him, one of which was being baptized which I did in 2018. After writing that very first entry, I continued writing almost daily. 

In November I got a text message saying, “Going to need someone to take care of the dog, won’t be home anytime soon, being transferred to Akron hospital. Doctors found lumps/growth in my brain and lung.” from my father. I saw him two days prior to receiving that message so of course I couldn’t believe what he just sent in a text. My Dad was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer that day. Almost one month into me finding my faith, with my faith being as small as a mustard seed, the most important person in my life is dying. This news, and everything that came after could have easily turned me away from God. I could have been mad at Him, I could have hated Him for it, but instead, I kept writing to God in this journal. 

As I wrote, I started to love God. I couldn’t understand how I had faith in this “being” without ever knowing him. In December of that same year, my husband bought me my first Bible for Christmas. I dove deep into the Bible, I was reading everyday, journaling, my relationship with God got so deep. I couldn’t wait to go home from work and read my Bible. It became something I took with me to all of my dad’s appointments and hospital stays, the Lord became my rock while my dad, who was my rock, decayed. 

The Lord not only brought me to Him in perfect timing but worked through me to reach my dad. He attended this church a few times after not being in church since he was a child. He had many talks with me about God and he met with Ted, our pastor. It’s incredible to see the change God makes in our lives and how those changes affect others. 

Through those years of watching my dad decay day after day, I never stopped praying. I did pray for healing over my dad, but mostly I prayed for God’s will to be done. I remember talking with my best friend on her back porch in the early months of my dad’s diagnosis, she knew how much he meant to me, how close he and I were, and I told her “Whatever God has planned in this, even if it means taking my dad from me, I know I will be okay, because I trust Him.” My love for the Lord had grown so strong in the chaos of my dad’s cancer because I never stopped praying. I was in the bible consistently, not everyday as life got messy through that, but I never stopped talking to God. In doing so, He drew me near and wrapped His arms around me, comforting me through the heartache. 

When my dad passed away after battling cancer for nearly two years, I again could have turned from the Lord. I did draw away from Him, like a teen withdrawing from their parents, trying to hide from Him, but I still talked to Him. I never questioned, even to this day, why my dad had to go, but my talks with God changed. I entered a very dark place after losing my dad, and I would ask God to take me too - to take me home because I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was literally praying for God to kill me. Thankfully God blessed me with an incredibly gracious and patient husband to get me through that, guiding me to the Lord on days I couldn’t do it myself. 

Please come back next week to read, “Conquering Chaos: Finding Peace in Christ” (Part Three)