Revelations 21:2, New International Version

“I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.”

Four Phases with Christ Part Two

My whole life changed on April 27th, 2019, when the third phase began. We found out my husband, Tom, had a tumor in his liver on August 30th, 2019, four months later. He was gone. He spent the first day of his retirement in the hospital. I to this day regret not talking to him more about death and heaven. I gave him books to read, but we rarely discussed it. This was because I did not accept the fact he was dying until it was too late, and he was unable to talk to me. He knew it because afterwards I found a paper which he listed everything I needed to know financially.

I cannot even begin to count the number of times I asked God, “Why?” Why would You take a healthy man more or less in a blink of an eye. Anger brewed for a long time. I was so mad at God. I wrote God nasty letters for a couple of months. I also wrote and still do Tom.

Slowly my attitude started to change from anger to disappointment in God. This slow transition has taken place because of two grief shares sessions, and many Bible studies in which the women attending, without judging, listened to my heartbreak.

I did not think God cared or was listening to me but as I look back, I see many times He was. On Dec 23rd, 2019, I saw a full figure of what resembled Tom telling me “I am okay”. My garage door quit working, and four different guys looked at it and said the wires were too corroded and I needed a new part. I ended up not needing it though because one and half months passed, and it just started working. One day while driving I was particularly upset and the song, Amazing Grace, appeared on the radio. I sang that to Tom. In the last few days, he could not talk but I held him, and he managed to pat me on the back. I took this to mean everything was going to be okay and it couldn’t be if not in heaven, so he has to be there. All of these instances and many more have shown me God was with me.

I still suffer with confusion dealing with Tom’s death. He believed in God but I feel God put him through his short illness to make sure he was right with Him.

I feel I have now entered the four phases of my walk with Christ. I find myself spending more time in His word and talking to the Father many times throughout the day, which I didn’t before.

It is beyond my comprehension as to the beauty of heaven, but I know if I put all the good things together about my life on earth, it would only be a drop in the bucket compared to everlasting life in heaven.

One day not only will I meet the Father, Son, and all the men and women I have read about in the Bible, but Jesus will lead me to Tom and all those who went before me. I am still hurting from Tom’s death. I only cry a few times a week instead of everyday. And I still ask God “Why,” but each day I gain a little more peace. Until then, I will miss Tom everyday on earth, but I will continue to grow in faith.