Shanesta Stratton

Who am I that the Lord of Heaven's armies would look upon me?” Who am I, that the son of God would trade his life for mine? Who am I, that the Holy Spirit would come and dwell with me? I want to tell briefly about how God has changed my life, and how He continues to do so. He is healing my heart from deep brokenness, anxiety, fear, shame, and a loss of self-worth and identity. One of my first memories is before I was two years old. During a move out of state I experienced a time of separation from my family, this traumatized me and caused me to believe I was rejected and not wanted by them. This was at no fault to my family but in my young mind I didn’t understand why. This event in particular along with others worked to begin to shape a lack of “knowing my value and identity” at an early age. I withdrew deep into myself as a turtle retracts into its shell-deeper and deeper, building walls higher and higher. I became so shy and fearful that I could hardly speak to people outside of my family.  I didn't get great grades in school so I believed that I was just not that smart.  I would never be enough. I was somehow deficient in all the ways that made someone valuable to others.  I would constantly compare myself to other people who were talented in singing or speaking, had a good figure, nice clothes, money, or popularity. These comparisons cause my self-esteem and how I valued myself to plummet. I didn’t realize it at the time but these comparisons and hurts had caused me to become prideful, judgmental and to harbor anger, resentment and unforgiveness. All the while trying to hide this from everyone around me.  

I came to a point in my life where I was desperate for more of God than what I had currently experienced. I knew I desperately needed Him to change my heart.  God was always faithful to me. He never let me go. Gently pursuing me, convicting me and wooing me even when my heart was clearly far from him. “For everyone who asks, receives, everyone who seeks, finds and to everyone who knocks the door will be open.” My heart began to burn to truly know God. I determined I “must” find and know Him personally as I had heard preached, or I might as well forget believing in God altogether. I began by beginning to seek Him daily, by reading my Bible, praying, and repenting of known sin in my life.  I needed to “experience” God for myself. Jesus revealed to me the sin in my heart during this time.  I completely surrendered all of it to Him not wanting anything to stand in the way of knowing Him! The Holy Spirit came upon me at that moment, I sensed a warmth and a bright light entering my body even though my eyes were closed. I felt the washing away of my sins and the heavy burden I carried lifted from me. In its place, I now had inner peace, joy, and lightness as I had never experienced before. This is the love and forgiveness of God! I no longer feel the weight of my failures, condemnation, or shame! The Holy Spirit has filled me and come to reside in my heart. He is my constant to this day. 
​
As I walk with the Lord, He has been taking me through learning that my identity is truly found in Him.  I have experienced healing in my heart as He overwhelms me with His Love, over and over again. He is doing a miracle in my life by restoring to me the voice that the enemy had stolen at a young age. As I draw closer to God he is teaching me what it means to die to the flesh, step outside of my comfort zone, surrendering my will, to God's will.  I have learned that God doesn't define us by the same standards as the world does, but He looks inside of a person and into our hearts.  He sees who he created us to be, before sin and the lies of the world corrupted us.  He is renewing my mind from my old ways and thought patterns to His.  I just want more of Jesus, his Love and less and less of what the world has to offer. Jesus understands our pain. Others may not see who you truly are on the inside, that's ok HE does. It is His desire for each of us to surrender all of the past and hurt to Him and to enter into a relationship with Him. He desires for you to be made whole and set free from all condemnation, sin and shame and for you to be healed and set free from everything that is not of Him in your life. It is my desire to share with others what Jesus has done in my life because I believe what He has done for me He will also do for you.  Amen!