For most of my life I have defined rest as allowing the mind and body to disengage from the necessary duties of life. With that being said, I don’t think I knew how to do that. When given free time, I tended to look at my to-do list – the one that has tasks that don’t necessarily need done right away. Things likes decluttering the toys, deep cleaning a room, or reorganizing the pantry get put on this list. As you can see, this list is not comprised of ways to relax or rest. I have always been a bit odd in that these tasks, if done alone, bring me satisfaction. Though I believe I had been mistaking that satisfaction for rest.

A few years ago, I had been swimming in a sea of extracurricular activities. Whether for school, enjoyment, or time with friends, I found myself more overwhelmed than when I worked 40 hours a week. I spent numerous occasions feeling sad, exhausted, and not a very good mom. My patience was short and I’d been left feeling empty. Despite my good intentions, we were in survival mode rather than adding value to our lives.

It’s scary how easily life can change us into something we never intended to be. Through small transformations, we find ourselves more angry, impatient, isolated and desperate or all of the above. I never meant to be so irritated and frustrated with my children, but as our to-do list got longer my exhaustion took control of my thoughts and actions. I thought terrible things: why are they so ungrateful, I will never be able to control my emotions, and maybe I was not meant to be a mom.

Ouch! As ugly as that last one sounds, it was necessary for me to admit. How had I gotten here? I know I love my children deeply and I want to teach and guide them to Jesus. So how is it that I had deteriorated into the worst version of myself? Truthfully, I got myself so worn down that all the terrible thoughts I had and all the whispers of others, pulled me away from who I truly am.

I had become so distanced from who God says I am. I had cut every line of connection to Him off because I was too tired, too busy, or lacked motivation. He gave me authority over my children and I had not shown them the same love He had shown me. I was the child who had given my Father the silent treatment.

But like any loving father, He met me in my mess. While I had spent time cluttering my life, He had been positioning people to reach me with His love. Through their graceful honesty, I had to face the hard truth in front of me – I had to let go of all the excess and place God back into the center of my life. When I came to Him, He didn’t reprimand me; instead He reminded me of who I am.

God met me in my prayer with all the things I had forgotten: You are loved, you are worthy, you are enough. I didn’t need to provide an extensive amount of activities for my kids or meet with friends every time they asked, to know these things. All I needed was a relationship with God. The freedom I received in that was immense! He cleared my conscious of all the worrying and planning and showed me what rest truly looks like.

I had to learn that rest is necessary and true rest refreshes more than just your body. God refreshes my soul every time I sit in His presence and allow Him to explain who I am. The more I quiet my busy schedule and occupied mind to leave space for God, the more I learn about myself. Friend, I encourage you to purposefully make time and let God explain who you are. Let Him tell you all about your strengths and beautiful qualities – who else knows you better?