“But each person should examine his own work, and then he will have a reason for boasting in himself alone, and not in respect to someone else. For each person will have to carry his own load. (Galatians 6:4-5, HCSB)

It started at a younger age than I thought it would: Comparison. 

Not necessarily the way I thought I would encounter it either. I had expected my daughter to burst through the door, claiming that all her friends had cellphones or the newest fad, and she had been the last. But we were many years before that when I first noticed the comparison happening. 

My daughter hopped on her bicycle and began to ride away. 

“Hey! Put your helmet on!” I yelled from the back porch. 

She stopped the bike, huffing, and storming off. “So-and-so’s mom doesn’t make her kids wear a helmet!” She replied frustrated as she grabbed her helmet and placed it over her dark, curly hair. 

A few days had passed when another incident occurred. “So-and-so’s mom doesn’t make their kids do that.” Slowly and surely the statement continued to show up more frequently. She wasn’t comparing herself to others but was comparing my parenting to our friends’. Comparatively speaking, I was the “uncool” mom. 

Despite multiple conversations and similar encounters, it continued to happen. Finally, on one occasion, feeling frustrated I responded, “Well, so-and-so’s mother didn’t lose a child.” I shocked myself, my husband, and my daughter with my brusque response. However, honestly, my daughter understood, and it led to a deeper conversation: a conversation about our uniqueness and how experiences shape parenting and decision making. A conversation about how God chooses a child’s parents and how it is a gift to raise children, especially the ones God handpicked for us. And a conversation about how each person needs to evaluate his or her own work and life, not living as though someone “has it better”. The grass is not greener. 

I am not a “cool” mom by the world’s standards. We have limits on screen time; we have bedtimes and bath requirements. We make them brush their teeth and do the things that are necessary but annoying to a child’s experience. We choose reading books over video games, and we prioritize church on Sundays over filling it with sports. I am not saying our way is right, but this is how we are raising our family. 

My dad used to tell me when I was growing up, “You may not understand why we do what we do, but you are our first. We are learning right alongside of you, but everything we do, we do because we love you.” Now that I am in it, I get it. We may not get it right every time, but we are learning right alongside our children. Additionally, everything, and I do mean everything, comes from a place of love. My parents weren’t the “cool” parents, but they kept us all on the straight and narrow and yielded three, kind and hardworking adults, who love Jesus. 

At the end of the day, my husband and I are operating with the long-term goal of raising children who love the Lord and are hardworking and kind individuals. We are doing the best we can and pushing comparison away whether it’s stemming from our children or from our own hearts and minds. To my fellow “uncool” or “cool” parents, my encouragement to you is to stay the course, operate from love and long-term goals, and remember there is no fruit that comes from comparison. Push it away and carry-on.