One thing I have learned as a result of being remarried is to learn about the one who I am married to and not allow the shadow of past relationships to determine how I react or how I treat them.

My husband and I both failed in our first marriage, and I specifically was in dozens of relationships before I knew Jesus. Some simply did not work out, but some resulted in traumatic experiences. Why did I allow myself to fall into that kind of relationship many times? No other reason than simply I did not know Jesus, I did not know love, and I did not even know my own worth. Anyway, back to the subject.

During the first couple months of our new marriage, I recognized that we needed to take a sincere look through our past. One conversation I ever had with my husband was this, “Why did you buy these gifts for me (a heart shaped box of chocolate with a dress pant)? What made you think I would like it or even need it?” He did it because that was what he did to her in his previous marriage. After thinking about it I responded to him by saying, “First, I am not her. Second, you cannot love me according to the way you treated her, her favorite things, or how she felt loved. So, please start to learn about me. I am a different person.” In the same way, I took time to think about how I reacted and treated him as a result of fear that was built up from my past relationships. I had to allow myself to see him as a new person and not through the lens of my old relationships. I could not allow myself to doubt him based on some past events or measure him against different people I had ever known.

How much trouble we can bring into our life – old and new, and old wounds tangling up and messing up new chapters. This is not worth it at all!

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.” (Matthew 9:17, NLT)

The Word always truth and if we take heed, we will find that we can apply on our marriage and any relationship. A new mind set! I know Jesus now, I know He is love and I am loved, and I know my worth is through Him. My husband and I left the shadow behind and now it is time for you to leave the shadow as well. Learn to love the person who beside you through His lens, and love them in the same way that Christ loves you.