1 Samuel 16:1, New International Version

“The Lord said to Samuel, ‘How long will you mourn for Saul…’”

A question I have been asked by different girlfriends of mine is this, “Have you been in an argument with your husband? If he has done something wrong and upset you, what do you do?” Before I answer this question, I want you to know when two human beings stay with each other day and night, 24/7, it is no surprise that there are going to be disagreements. The key point is what reaction will you choose to have when it happens? To be honest, if you are going to be 24/7 life-long partners, who would want to hold a grudge and store up bitterness under one household? Our flesh may fail, and we may follow our emotion in the moment of time, however, if we think through it enough, we should recognize the desire we all have to live in a peaceful and joyful house. 

“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9, ESV)

Whether we are talking about a quarrelsome wife or a grumpy husband, neither should be the goal we are seeking for a marriage. Therefore, we must pay close attention to the choice that we make when we are facing unpleasant times.

There have been times when my husband and I have different opinions on the way to do things, or the way that we view things. From small details to big decisions, or maybe an attitude toward the circumstances that we face. I am honest with you; conflict can happen every day. A joke he made (yet it is based on real situation as well), “When my wife sprays the cooking oil on a pan, she doesn’t spray it evenly and it drives me nuts.” Then, he will explain to the person the right way (his way) to spray cooking oil on the frying pan is. Do you see what I mean? Conflict can happen every day! With small things you may be able to laugh it off, but how about something that really gets on your nerves or even brings a feeling of hurt into your soul? This is what I have learned: Close my eyes, call on Jesus through my heart, ask for His peace to steady me, and to give me understanding about what is happening.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, NIV)

Our Lord Jesus who is faithful, He never fails to send peace to calm the storm that is sometimes within my soul. He also gives me insight and different perspectives concerning the things that are happening, or the reason why my husband handles things differently. Once the presence of God shows up, my emotions no longer control me, but His better way takes control. I can quiet down and have a peaceful conversation with my husband. Constructive and forgiving.

My dear friends, do not let any bitterness or frustration build up in your marriage. The Lord is asking you, “How long will you…” It is time for us to choose to forgive and forget, then from now on, choose a better way to address the differences with our spouse.