Proverbs 27:17, New King James Version

"As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

Let's compare friend-type to silverware, particularly the knife. There are different types of knives that serve different purposes. You have the butter knife that is used for delicate things like spreading jelly, jam, or butter. They usually aren't sharp, so they don't rip the bread. Then there are steak knives. They are sharp and are designed to cut through tough meat. Are you a butter knife friend, gentle and care not to hurt feelings, or are you a steak knife friend, cutting through the tough "meat" of life?

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

"As iron sharpens iron" means that one person sharpens another, making them better, wiser, and more perceptive, just as two pieces of iron can sharpen each other to a finer edge. The proverb highlights the mutual benefit of close relationships, where friends can provide feedback, offer challenging perspectives, and serve as a source of accountability to help personal and spiritual growth.  

The concept of “iron sharpening iron” obviously implies at least two pieces of iron. It would be impossible for one tool to become sharper without the presence of the other. Left alone, both blades would be dull and quite useless. This simple proverb shoes is an important biblical principle. God expects us to live and serve in a community of other believers, and He desires for us to build loving and growing relationships with others.

The process of helping someone else improve their well-being absolutely requires a positive relationship. Godly advice or even constructive criticism from someone we know, someone we love, and someone we know that cares about us is easier to receive rather than it is from a stranger or simple acquaintance. We want to know that the person giving us the counsel has our best interest at heart. Friends may indeed “wound” us at times, but we can understand and appreciate their genuine motives. The “kisses” from enemies fall flat and sometimes do not have the best motives.

What does an "Iron Sharpens Iron" relationship look like? In an "Iron Sharpens Iron" relationship, the relationship is not one-sided; both individuals gain something from the friendship. You both become sharper, better, and more perceptive by interacting with others who provide challenge and accountability. You can offer truth and love to help each other grow in faith. You are open to constructive criticism from others, even when it's uncomfortable, as it leads to long-term growth. It also involves offering truth and feedback to others in love, with the goal of helping them grow and improve. 

It focuses on the importance of strong, supportive relationships where individuals can be vulnerable and honest with each other to improve.

Remember, in a relationship, the choice between being a butter knife or a steak knife is a metaphor for different approaches. A butter knife is comfortable and smooth, good for surface-level interactions and keeping things easy. A steak knife is sharp and challenging, pushing you to grow through tough situations. Ultimately, what you should be is a friend who contributes positively, whether that means offering comfort or providing constructive challenges. 

It's so important for each of us to build growing relationships with others in life. We all need people who can help us rub off the hard edges and who honestly have our best interests in mind when they do it. There are times when these sharpening conversations, even from loving friends, can come across as harsh, mean, or judgmental. But it definitely helps to know that these people care and that they have a genuine interest in helping us improve. So, what kind of friend are you and what kind of friends do you want in your "silverware drawer"? Butter knife or Steak knife?