Matthew 19:4-6, NIV

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

There is no question that children are a blessing from the Lord. When a husband and wife have children and begin to raise them there is also no question that there are many new and increased demands that they must carry. Now, not only do they have their relationship with the Lord to grow and their relationship with each other, they also have a relationship with their children. They are now responsible for the well-being and growth of their children. If you ask anyone who has raised children you will find out that this is no small task. There will be sacrifices made and a lot of work to be done, but one of the things that husbands and wives must not allow to be sacrificed is their own relationship.

In many of the modern societies around the world there is a very high expectation placed on the success of a couple’s children. There is no doubt that a couple must care for their children do their best to raise them, however when a husband and a wife begin to place more concern on the well being and happiness of their children than they place on their spouse, they are starting down a very dangerous path. This is actually much easier to do that it sounds. After all, what parent does not want their children to grow up to be joyed filled people who excel as they go through life? They may lead a husband and wife to begin to spend less and less time with each other. They may begin to place more of a focus on the needs of the children than upon the needs of each other. They may even start care about the emotions of their children more than each other. Let’s consider just a simple example and see if you can maybe see what I mean….

A couple’s daughter comes home from school after having a difficult day at school. When she walks into the house, out of her frustration and anger from the day, she begins crying and lashes out at her mother. She says some things that are disrespectful and possible even hurtful to her mother. Meanwhile, her father hears what is happening and rushes in to the room only to go over to his daughter to ask what is wrong and what happened during the day.

Do we see the issue with this situation? Yet, I believe that this is a scenario that has played out in many homes. I can say that because I have also been guilty of doing exactly what the father in this scenario did. In fact, I have actually behaved like this in similar situations in our family. This has caused hurt and pain for my wife and ultimately sets a poor example to my children as well. The reality is that, our spouse is our life partner. We have been given a divine responsibility to protect them, to encourage them, and to keep them from harm. When we begin to allow anything, even our own children, to come between that relationship and that responsibility we are beginning to alter the design and plan that God has for the family.

When we have children there is no doubt that we love them. There is no doubt that we would do whatever is needed to ensure that they are safe and live a joyful life. However, part of that demonstrating to them the love, honor, and respect that we have for our spouse, and also letting them know that we demand that they also show that same attitude towards them. When we do this we are not only teaching them what those things mean, but it is also teaching them how their future spouse should treat them and how they should also treat their future spouse. I am thankful that God has been teaching me more and more about being a husband who loves his wife just as Christ loves the church. I know that I still have work to do but I can tell you that if you repent and turn towards the Lord for help, He will hear you, He will forgive you, and He will come to help you. ​