John 8:44, New International Version

“…He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

Transformation Part One

The Beginning

From birth, my dad wanted me to be a boy. So, to his disappointment, he still raised me to be like one. I had boy toys, clothes, and haircuts. I also suffered physical and emotional abuse by being beaten often and told that I was stupid and never going to amount to anything. I suffered so much hatred, identity confusion, rejection and I believe that the abuse is the tool that satan used to lure me into alcohol, drugs, and smoking. At age ten, I started with marijuana every day and drinking. On the other hand, my mother was a Christian who took me to church, taught me about Jesus and I loved Him so much.

Tragedy Struck

At age twelve, my brother (age twenty-six) died from alcohol and drugs by suicide when he jumped off an overpass bridge by my childhood home. Satan used that devastation to cause me to be angry with God. I cursed God and even said, “You took my brother! Why don’t You just kill me too?” That day, I believe that the suicide spirit latched itself onto me. At age fourteen with the help of my sister Ruth, I grew my hair out and started dressing like a girl. At age nineteen, I met a man, fell in love with the idea of being married and moved away from my dad. I carried that anger into that marriage. We abused each other and it ended in a few short years. At age twenty-two, I had thoughts of homosexuality and all my life hatred toward men, so I had my first homosexual experience. It was then that I heard a voice speak to me which we know to be satan and this is what he said, “You were born this way. You cannot change. This is where you will be loved. God has to love you this way,” and I bought those lies. Shortly after, I cut all my long hair off, dressed as a man and pursued bars, drinking, and women. I always wore a rainbow bracelet and necklace and satan horns.

What was my life like?

Years of suffering! I had many near-death experiences with driving drunk, jail, rehab, a cocaine overdose which I suffered a pre mild stroke and an attempted suicide. I had taken over a hundred blood pressure pills that landed me in the hospital and I had to get my stomach pumped seven times. I was as far away from God as anyone could be and I was not feeling loved, but rather hatred and torment. 

Where did this all lead?

Please come back next week to read Transformation Part Two.