Psalm 84:12 “Blessed is the one who trusts in You.” I do trust in You, Lord. Even though I would say I have believed in God most of my lifetime, I have had a metamorphosis of sorts with my belief and trust in God over the past 5 years. I believe what the scriptures say. I believe in God. I believe His promises, and I believe in the sovereignty of God.
I do not claim to know the whole picture, but I am confident that God does. He has been painting the story of my life from the very beginning. We know God is love, but we also know God is sovereign. I may not understand the why something tragic happens, but I can be sure God does. That is why I am confident and believe in Him. I trust Him.
I prayed many years for my oldest son, Matthew to be freed from his drug addiction. Matthew succumbed to his addiction in 2013, despite his efforts to eliminate it. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.
I remember one of my children declaring: “Matthew has been healed. He is no longer addicted.” I truly feel comforted when I realize this fact. God is good, even when the healing never comes. Make no mistake, I am undone by the mercies He has shown me in this life. I will never be able to repay Him for His gracious gifts he has given me. God gave me Matthew. Today I am able to claim the promises of God and declare He is Lord, but over the past 5 years it was not always that way.
Matthew was a very “needy” child. He was born March 8, 1983 in Lansing, Michigan. I immediately fell in love with this precious child. I think he was 12 months old before he slept through the night. Matthew grew in the physical, but also in the spiritual as well. At the age of 5, he asked Jesus into his heart to be his Lord and Savior. As he grew up, Matthew was always following close behind his father, who is a pastor. He learned how to love others from his dad. They went around to homes, visiting sick and needy people. They were just taking Jesus to their part of the world. How does a child with this background end up being a drug addict? This question has continued to enter my mind.
Matthew was a drug addict for about 11 years before it finally took his life. The very last month of his life Matthew had been going to a Christian Drug/Alcohol group with Family Care Ministries to help him beat this addiction. His father accompanied him to this group in order to help show support.
Matthew came to church the Sunday before his death. He asked for prayer, as he identified he was continuing to struggle with staying away from the drugs. Matthew never let us know how addicted he truly was. When we were blasted with the truth, it was too late. He was already dead.
I have asked God many times in the past 5 years why Matthew could not have been healed. I prayed he would be healed. I even told the Lord I wanted Him to use whatever means necessary to save Matthew’s soul. I gave my son over to the Lord. I asked Him to heal him of the addiction.
It took me some time before I realized that Matthew’s death freed him from his addiction. He was healed and he was with God. This realization helped comfort me. I have had good days and I have had bad days in my grief at the loss of my child. In my humanness, I miss him. In my soul, I am comforted to know he is in the arms of my Savior. There is one thing I know though, that I will see my son again one day.
Blessed is the one who trusts in You! Lord, I know I suffered loss in this life, but I will continue to trust in You.
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